2008

My initial thought is...What a Crap Year. But that’s too simple a definition for a very complicated year. There have been losses, some of them substantial and life-changing, to be sure. I’m forcing myself to recall that there have been plenty of good, even great memories this year.

I turned 40. And the fact I even made it this far is impressive.

My birthday was all about getting spoiled - I received the biggest bouquet of flowers ever made in the history of bouquets, ever. I was gifted with Fenster (aye, of The Usual Suspects fame), a big cuddly bear as well as beautiful Irish jewelry and great dvds (this, on the heels of DMB tickets for my 39th).

Justin graduated from high school in May, and I had a visit from the person who means more to me than life itself. He got me through the ceremony with hardly a tear and even managed to make me appreciate where I come from - not an easy task. My big baby took a huge step into his future and I was able to be part of that.

I was reminded of how precious some gifts really are, even when they are unexpected - although it ended tragically, I learned that some life experiences are really much more meaningful when you have a few years under your belt. I’m so grateful for the reminder, short-lived that it was, and affirmation of the woman I still am.

I managed to survive Justin’s time in basic training, and got to go to San Diego for his graduation, which was a heady experience. He and I traveled back to Kansas together, and I watched strangers approach him to thank him for his service - nothing makes a mother more proud - and I’m as far from a “military mom” as you can get.

Dylan and I grew closer as he tried on his “becoming a man” boots. He’s always been closer to his father, but with Justin away, he stepped in and did everything in his power to care for me. He seemed to understand that I was feeling weaker than before (which isn’t easy, after the near breakdown of a year I had) and made sure I leaned on him, even when I thought I was fine.

While I mourn the loss of the relationship that defines me, I have to remember how lucky I am to have ever felt so good about being in love. Letting go isn’t easy, but the alternative is making the one you love regret ever knowing you.

There are so many other moments to be thankful for - friends stepping up to help pay the bills when I wasn’t able, hours upon hours of kindness and encouragement when I could barely stand to wake up each day, and the occasional swift kick in the ass when I needed it.

So there you have it - a year full of ups and downs, some tougher to survive than others. I’m not thrilled with where things are right now, but I have to recognize that I have lived a life full of love and laughter with true moments of joy - I really can’t complain.