Halloween Porn

Early Morning Improv

Trading places, or role reversal, or me trying to be strong while he admits he's worried, or something much more clever and interesting that describes my part in this little play called life. I'm not so good in my new role.

Justin is leaving again. He's going back to San Diego, only for a few weeks, but still far, far away. And after that he's heading for more training at Ft. Sill - this time for 2 more months. I have been mourning for days in anticipation of his departure, albeit without his knowledge, or so I think.

I really believed I was doing well until he admitted to me that he's worried, a bit scared, even, about how long it will be until he is able to come home again. He's nervous enough that he stepped outside for a cigarette, to settle his nerves, no doubt. And so now I'm falling apart.

Trying to remind him how much he missed all his Marine buddies, I chirped on about how much he's looked forward to this additional training. I attempted to bolster his confidence by pointing out that in a few short weeks he'll be just hours from home. He just turned around and hugged me.

I find that I hope he has a second smoke so I have time to get myself together. I haven't rehearsed this role and I'm totally unprepared. Improv is not my strong suit. I'm a lousy actress without a knack for the mendacious.

And like that...he was gone.

More Bathroom Fun With Ed

This is another acoustic version from the Bathroom Sessions - enjoy "Aluminum" from the album "Everything to Everyone".

Am I The Only One?

From the Bathroom Sessions featuring Ed Robertson of Barenaked Ladies. There are literally dozens of BNL songs performed in Ed's bathroom - usually on his own, sometimes with a little help from his friends. Let's start with this one.

The Bones of You (live) by Elbow

Watch this Elbow clip - they completely blow me out of the water in this performance. I wanted to post the official video, but unsurprisingly the embed is disabled. If you decide you want to see the studio version, try this link.

Not The Same (live) by Ben Folds

Yes, I'm Odd

Against my better judgment, I responded to one of those "All About Me" questionnaire thingies. One of the questions was "What is your favorite flower?" That was easy - for me, it's the hydrangea. Every person, save one, wanted to know what in the world was wrong with me that I didn't pick something more "conventional".

Okay, when have I ever been "conventional"?

I absolutely love the hydrangea - it is full and lush, promising to share it's secrets with me if I will only safeguard it. It is not one single bloom, but dozens and dozens of brilliant blossoms all snuggled up with one another. They don't fight over the space, or try to detract from one another. Rather, each individual floret calls attention to the one next to her, pulling your eyes from one to another until you no longer see each little flower, but the burgeoning abundance of beauty they create.

I could psychoanalyze my obsession, but I think it's already clear why the hydrangea appeals to me.

Lucifer's Toy Chest

I was reading some internet news and came across an article about banned Christmas gifts. I've borrowed (read: copied and pasted) shamelessly from the article to bring you the following:

As always, Satan's shopping list of Christmas gifts are guaranteed to send your child to prison – and you to a shallow grave. The following Christmas toys are banned from purchase. Be warned: If one of these items is found in your home or on your person, then you'll have to find yourself another place to worship, for you are no longer welcome at this Godly church.

Leap Start Learning Table - Marketed to Caucasian children and Colored adults, this so-called "Learning Table" spits out lies about math, science and other secular bunk Christ-haters teach in public schools. We suggest you just start your toddler out with an illustrated King James Bible and a spanking instead.

iPod Mini - Children will download Satanic siren calls from punk rockers like Clay Akin onto this device. The iPod is not equipped with a child safety lock so Christian parents don't know if their kids are listening to Pastor's sermons or Lucifer's belches. Apple also uses a logo that mocks the Lord by embracing the symbol of fallen man.

Homo-Robo-Sapien - This bowlegged robot walks with the waddle of a Nancy Boy whose rectum is sore from a long night of deviant sex. When the strategically placed power switch between its legs is tilted up to full erection power, it starts a humpin' on anything nearby with voracious lust and moral abandon, and you can't stop it.

Tickle Me Elmo - What the instructions on this perverted little toy don't tell you is that if your child tickles Elmo on the nape between his hairy red testicles and fuzzy hiney, instead of letting out a giggle, he twitches and moans in a suggestive manner, squirting warm yogurt (not included) into your sweet child's face.

World of Warcraft - A video game spawned in the pits of hell. Kids learn to kill their parents by "questing." They are exposed to naked elves with giant purple bosoms which invite their soft and eager fingers. They learn to peel human skin by "leatherworking" with more glee than even sadistic Mary Worshipper Mel Gibson dared!

Aquapets - This penis-shaped toy is capable of opening up the very gates of Hell in your own Christian rumpus room. Aquapets are talking masturbation teaching toys. Your innocent pre-teen daughter will be transformed into a tallywacker-addicted slut before the Lord manages to drain the two D batteries of their Satanic powers.

Sponge Bob Square Pants - This lewd and perverted nelly little yellow cartoon character is causing chaos in Christian homes across America. Not only does Sponge Bob encourage children to question their parents' gender - but if you flip him upside down, his eyes and nose become engorged genitals.

The Grinch Doll - Creation Scientists estimate that if you peel back the green hairs between the legs of this doll, one in every 200 is equipped with a tiny green penis, which is clearly a "dildo" intended to be used on small household pets and insects. It is amazing the sick, perverted things will pop into the minds of unsaved liberals!

Although I can't find an actual disclaimer, I tend to believe this website is intended to poke fun at the more extreme Christian idealists. I may be wrong, but I sincerely hope not. Check out the Landover Baptist Church website for more interesting "Christian" ideals.

Four Years Ago

I was sitting in a hotel room in Shannon absolutely miserable. I had planned for a week in Ireland and it had all fallen apart. And then the most wonderful thing happened - a friend went out of his way to make me realize that the trip wasn't entirely wasted.

Happy Anniversary Baby

Okay, no matter how much I fiddle, I can't get the embed where I want it. Now I'm frustrated - fuck it, so long as it plays who cares that it's not quite right.

Okay, I do...but I'm letting it go.

Jigsaw Falling into Place by Radiohead

Radiohead's Jigsaw Falling Into Place video, as seen on the Thumbs Down Webcast on 9 November 2007. Featuring an amusing intro by Thom Yorke, the black-and-white music video features all five members of the band performing the song using head cams. Apparently it is the first Radiohead video to feature the whole band since 2000's "Idioteque" video, and the first video for a single to feature the whole band since 1996's "Street Spirit (Fade Out)" video. All that historical trivia aside, I just love the song.

NOW I Can Call Him Marine

On the left is my son Justin after graduation at Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, California - alongside is one of his closest friends, J Barwick, whom he got to know in basic training.

I'm so proud of them both - as part of the largest graduating class in over 20 years - they, along with 665 other graduates have survived 13 weeks of some of the toughest training they will ever endure. The 2-day celebration was really amazing - it's hard to imagine what they have accomplished while away from their family and friends, but the people at MCRD make sure you walk away in awe of these new Marines. I'm still shaking my head in wonder at them all.


Lauren, Justin and Dylan


Dylan and I before graduation, and before the tears started

Happy Birthday Dylan

Here is a picture of Dylan at 4 graduating from pre-school. He still has the same bright smile and uncanny ability to brighten my day, no matter how insistent I am at grumping about. People who really know both of us insist he is very much like me - stubborn, loving, with a ridiculously silly sense of humor. I can tell you he's becoming a man, and it seems to have happened overnight. Happy 16th birthday, Dylan.