Trading places, or role reversal, or me trying to be strong while he admits he's worried, or something much more clever and interesting that describes my part in this little play called life. I'm not so good in my new role.
Justin is leaving again. He's going back to San Diego, only for a few weeks, but still far, far away. And after that he's heading for more training at Ft. Sill - this time for 2 more months. I have been mourning for days in anticipation of his departure, albeit without his knowledge, or so I think.
I really believed I was doing well until he admitted to me that he's worried, a bit scared, even, about how long it will be until he is able to come home again. He's nervous enough that he stepped outside for a cigarette, to settle his nerves, no doubt. And so now I'm falling apart.
Trying to remind him how much he missed all his Marine buddies, I chirped on about how much he's looked forward to this additional training. I attempted to bolster his confidence by pointing out that in a few short weeks he'll be just hours from home. He just turned around and hugged me.
I find that I hope he has a second smoke so I have time to get myself together. I haven't rehearsed this role and I'm totally unprepared. Improv is not my strong suit. I'm a lousy actress without a knack for the mendacious.
And like that...he was gone.
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4 comments:
You have got him this far, keep going...
I am very proud of him, and you. You will be lucky to have him close. Once he gets to his duty station, things will be different for him. Michelle, you hare an amazing mother. Justin is proving that.
An update of sorts: He arrived safely in San Diego and was waiting for his bus to Camp Pendleton. He admitted that he'd grown used to being home again and that he was having some serious separation anxiety.
I'm thinking this has little to do with Mom, and a lot to do with the girl he drove to Lawrence to see last night - he made it home at 3am this morning, and was even more bummed than I expected.
Regardless, he has moved forward with his life, and I am very proud of him.
So proud it hurts.
It hurts because you care. You caring is more important than anything. You should be proud of him, and you.
I know I am.
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